I think Secretary Clinton could find somebody like Clara Peller (August 4, 1902 – August 11, 1987)A to go to all of Donald Trump’s events. She could have been in the front row at the last debate, and then whenever Mr. Trump failed to answer a question (which I believe was every time except the last question (I’ll leave the fact-checking to somebody else – I don’t think I could sit through that debate one more time)), or when Mr. Trump interrupted Ms. Clinton (which only happened 18 times, down from the 51 times he interrupted her in the first debateA), this Peller doppelgängerD would interrupt Mr. Trump with her signature line, “Where’s the beef?” I don’t believe Donald would even realize that she is questioning the lack of substance in his conversation or in his Presidential policies; with his adolescent “locker room” mentality, Mr. Trump would assume this old woman was referring to one of his male body parts, and he would feel deeply offended. And then as Mr. Trump walked by at the end of the event, this lady could assume an open, gropeable stance, with her arms outstretched, and maybe her lips all puckered up and ready. She could wind up becoming Donald’s worst nightmare.
For Trump’s other events, you would probably need a corps of such old lady hecklers, because each one would find herself uninvited after her first appearance. In fact, they would probably need to go in groups or be escorted, because Donald’s rabid fans would not be above “taking them out”. Donald himself is more likely to launch into a tirade, followed up at three o’clock the next morning with a volley of angry tweets.
Mrs. Clinton would probably take the advice of Michelle Obama, rather than mine. I understand. I’ve never believed that the victor in a race to the bottom could really be called a winner, anyway (What was the prize for the first man to get to Hell?). But a representative like Clara could put Donald Trump’s tactics into better perspective, and would be entertaining.